futurebird's Diaryland Diary
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fear of pain
After the blackout the grocer had to throw out a lot of food. The stench was awful.
I guess since I have not written for some time I should try to catch up. This diary has never been about my life-- so much as it is about what I think about life-- in general. Still, for the sake of continuetity I'll mention that I've broken up with fiancee and moved. I'll add that he did nothing to offend me-- I simply failed to see who he was. I was married to a dream. It's not the first time.
These days I'm running a lot. I have the NYC marathon to think about. I want to do a good job-- less than 4 hours-- but I don't know if I have the will to train that hard.
Or maybe I'm just scared that if I do train that hard I'll still fail. I think there is nothing more dark and destructive than to give up on something because you fear pain, or because it causes pain. But, what do you do with fear? Laugh at it?
So much has changed I hardly remember who I am. I have fear to spare.
2:17 a.m. - 2003-08-17
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