futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was just a pot of tea. It was just a pot of tea. Am I crazy! It won’t change the world. What I feel over the whole event is proof that my life is way too easy. Other people worry about finding a way to unblock the cities swears before the water is poisoned. Me? I worry about my guests liking the tea, or the food, or the coca. Expect nothing. That’s my motto. An unspoken mantra. My hourly prayer. I knew not to be too hopeful when I asked him “Would you like some tea?” “Would you like some tea? “ He asked back rolling over on the couch to catch more light on his book. “But , I asked first.” I said trying to laugh. “Just I want to know if you wanted it.” “If you want it I’ll have some. Do you want some tea?” He said looking up at last. Was this courtesy? No. It was the most fearful thing: indifference. That’s why I’m pushing all my hopeful expectations down. I don’t even expect to see him again. Not after that exchange. Indifference-- If there is indifference there will be no conversation, no love. I left the room. I didn’t let a muscle twitch. In the kitchen I heated up the pot under the tap so it won’t crack when I poured the boiling water in. I used the best bright gold-yellow cloth to brace the pot as I poured the tea. I filled the sugar bowl and the creamer. Set it all on the tray. Adjusted the position of the sugar bowl. Entered the room. How can I explain to him that I can’t answer the question. I could care less about drinking tea. I might not even like tea. I don’t know. I want him to want some and let me make it perfect for him-- or not want some and let it go. What do I want? It has nothing to to with hot water! I want to make you happy for a little while. So, I do my best in spite of the terrible indifference. Expect nothing, but reach for everything as if you expect it. 00:20:49 - 2001-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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