futurebird's Diaryland Diary

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a blank wall

I committed various kinds of evil
For the sake of my friends and foes.

Yet my foes will become nothing.
My friends will become nothing.
I too will become nothing.
Likewise all will become nothing.

Just like a dream experience,
Whatever things I enjoy
Will become a memory.
Whatever has passed will not be seen again.

From The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life

I don’t want to go home for Christmas. I’m worried I’ll meet to much scrutiny, that my family might try to interfere with the little life I’ve tried to carve out for myself in this city. I feel like I’m just becoming alive and, at last, my own person-- but, now I’ll have to reevaluate everything under the microscope of family life for a few days.

I like being alone. When I’m on my own I have the space to reinvent myself.

I’m being selfish, though. My mom just wants to see me, and know that I’m okay. I can be there and OK for her. It’s not too much to ask. It’s just a few days. (*sigh*)

I went to the company party at Martha’s today. I got to see her tony award for ITI. She has a great old apartment. A real new york apartment. I want to live in a place like that some day. She also has all of this original artwork, degas, a picasso drawing, and a lovely dark painting of a bridge.

That’s what my apartment needs... some artwork. The walls are very blank.

My co-workers are such a great bunch of people. I hope I get to show them one of my shows someday...

11:29 p.m. - 2001-12-11

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