futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another year without any heaven
I was sitting on the train this morning and listening to some music and I found myself crying because the thought of this impossible parade had entered in to my mind again and I wished that in the distance I could be assured that all of the lost people: the innocent, the confused, the hated (and the animals too, who are to dumb to ever know their place in the world, yet still seem to know love, like my small hound dog, Bobick) I wished that they were really there and that they could sing at last and that the truth (the truth is that life grows dark when it ends and is snuffed out in a gasp of fear-- leaving nothing behind but flesh to rot and memories to plague the living) -- I wished that that awful truth were not so. But, I know better. Well, here is spring for me. My window can stay open all night again. Each year, along with the earth they crack and tear open, these new flowers (the violent crocuses and absurd daffodils) break open old memories and they tear and stab in to me harder and harder as each four seasons pass. Some day every moment of this season will be an anniversary of loss. Another warm summer that my silly old dog will never see, another year without any heaven. 11:32 p.m. - 2002-03-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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