futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stripped or saved I bought my train ticket for Cleveland today. I leave on Sunday. I guess I�m glad to be going even though I know my parents are going to ask me a lot of questions that I don�t want to answer. I love going to down town Pittsburgh. There are so many people to see. I think I could sit all day and just look at the infinite variety of people. I saw this woman in the greyhound station (I went through the greyhound station to get to Amtrak, I always take the train when I can I hate the bus.) The woman was tall she must have been 6�4� and she had on high heeled boots so she seemed even taller. Her skin was as dark as it comes. She had on a little fur coat, the kind with fur on the inside and raw hide on the outside, it stopped just at her hip. I guess she wasn�t rich but she looked so strong standing there glancing at her ticket as she waited in line I knew that money would never stand between her and happiness. Some people need money to be happy, others find happiness in other places. As I passed her I thought �I hope that she is loved as much as she deserves to be loved� I don�t think I need to hope too much. If the world has any sense it will give her what she deserves. After I had my ticket I floated around downtown for a bit. I thought I�d get a hamburger from McDonald�s so I wanted into the McDonald�s near kaufman�s. I was looking around in there and I�d never seen so many miserable people in my life. Everyone was sick or they needed a bath or some love or something. The guy who was going to get me my hamburger looked like he�d just stopped crying and wanted to start again. I lost my appetite and left and went back out in the cold. Then I came to a little shop and I was terribly cold so I went in without looking to see what kind of shop it was even. It was a sort of expensive hat and gloves place. The woman who worked there was standing by a pile of cashmere gloves and when I came in she looked at me like I was a dog covered in soot and rain water. She stayed really close to me as I looked around I think she thought I was going to steal something. I looked at one of the price tags and the thin scarf that I was touching, cost $518. It was too thin to even keep anyone warm. I wonder if that man who had been crying got that much in a week. I could see the woman who might buy that scarf and I imagined it blowing lose from her neck and slipping over her alapha-hydroxy moisturised skin and flying off with the wind and it was as if a whole week of this one man�s life was worth a plaything to be caught by the wind and lost some day. Maybe that�s why he was crying. I left that store just as disgusted by the whole way things worked in there as I was by the smell of grease and all the miserable people in the McDonald�s. I thought of the strong tall woman in the bus station. And I could see her standing in a window looking out someday in her future (or past.) A thin little tank top resting on her shoulder blades the window open and the cold spilling in. She�s drinking up the view as she gets ready for her day. The sounds of the city would be like music to her. Do I live in the same world as her, or am I between bouts of crying as I scrape out hafl of a life in some dark crevice or am I warped in wealth and oblivious to all this motion going on? I�d like to be simple and just living. But to get there I don�t know if I need to be stripped or saved . . . or both. 20:37:31 - 2000-12-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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