futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I want to scrub it away. 6:09am considering how much trouble I�ve been having sleeping that�s no so bad. I went under at 12:00p: 7 hours, perfect. I�m listening to �glassworks� and it�s giving me pangs of bitter nostalgia. I hate nostalgia. Live for today! Forget! Forget! Forget! I think it's a primitive function of the brain that sends the past flooding over me in this way. Damn that primitive function. It was more than a year ago. That bad hot summer. Too hot to run my body got all ugly. I stayed in morewood. The building was nearly empty. It was like living in a tomb. I worked for the CMU archives. I do have a fetish for old paper, so the job was not bad. I�d get off work at 5:00 and have no clue what to do with myself. I had no friends in the city. I�d spent my day with books so I didn�t want to read (I was able to read on the job a lot.) I�d stand in front of Hunt libary and look at the grassy cut. A few grad students might be walking from baker to the UC. But mostly empty. And very pretty. Quiet. I go to room in the empty building and listen to music-- like this music. I was depressed and I didn�t even know it. I didn�t know it until now. I here the music again and hate the that part of the past . I want to scrub it away. I want to here these sound unencumbered. 6:25am time tends to pass. After this I will get some new blocking ready for the actors. I have a new Idea for this one section. They want to have it all blocked before break. Maybe that can happen. If I was only stronger. 6:28am There was something else I needed to write down. Yes. I remember. Mom and Dad. They sent me a letter saying that they were going away for two and a half weeks right through Christmas. Why should I care if I see them on Christmas? I�m an atheist! If I want to I could cry. But I�m not going to cry. It�s foolish. The way we worship the calendar. I�ll see them new years. That�s not so bad. 10:35:39 - 2000-12-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||