futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the ribbon wraps around my wrist When I looked up, at last, I thought "this must stop" I went to the attic of my house and in my mothers old sewing box amidst that thimbles, seamstress chalk, pins and needles I found a ribbon I used to have in my hair when I was a little girl. It was soft, dark blue, silk-- I tied it around my wrist and thought. "As long as this is here I must keep to the rules for living I've laid out for myself." I liked the idea of a ribbon. To me it was a sign of beauty. As long as I'm able to keep it on I'm growing more beautiful. If I ever break any of these rules I'll have to take it off and know that I am a terrible and ugly and worthless person. As long as I can keep this ribbon on I will allow myself to believe I am beautiful. Please keep trying to be thinner everyone, even if you've been tempted. Even if you've failed and have to start again. Think of what fat is. Fat people aren't really seen or loved. People see the fat first and not the person. Everyone's fat is the same. No matter who they cut open, black or white or yellow or red the fat is the same puffy white-yellow gel under our skin. Fat make you indistinguishable from other people. When you are fat you're like a shapeless blur. If someone loves you they love you the way they love a pillow or a seat cushion you provide comfort and softness, you are nothing but a tool for masturbation. You are disposable. But the you are thin people can see you. Everyone's bones are different the unique shape of your bones define you. Let your bones show through in your face and legs and chest and back. If you are loved and you are thin you are what is loved. You cannot be loved without the person who loves you seeing how you are different and beautiful. Please don't let yourself become formless blurs. Have the strength to show yourself, your shape, to the world. You body, your bones is the part of you that is like no other person. � The ribbon wraps around my wrist three times before I must tie it. If I am strong some day it will wrap around four. 17:35:23 - 2000-12-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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