futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was just a pot of tea. It was just a pot of tea. Am I crazy! It won�t change the world. What I feel over the whole event is proof that my life is way too easy. Other people worry about finding a way to unblock the cities swears before the water is poisoned. Me? I worry about my guests liking the tea, or the food, or the coca. Expect nothing. That�s my motto. An unspoken mantra. My hourly prayer. I knew not to be too hopeful when I asked him �Would you like some tea?� �Would you like some tea? � He asked back rolling over on the couch to catch more light on his book. �But , I asked first.� I said trying to laugh. �Just I want to know if you wanted it.� �If you want it I�ll have some. Do you want some tea?� He said looking up at last. Was this courtesy? No. It was the most fearful thing: indifference. That�s why I�m pushing all my hopeful expectations down. I don�t even expect to see him again. Not after that exchange. Indifference-- If there is indifference there will be no conversation, no love. I left the room. I didn�t let a muscle twitch. In the kitchen I heated up the pot under the tap so it won�t crack when I poured the boiling water in. I used the best bright gold-yellow cloth to brace the pot as I poured the tea. I filled the sugar bowl and the creamer. Set it all on the tray. Adjusted the position of the sugar bowl. Entered the room. How can I explain to him that I can�t answer the question. I could care less about drinking tea. I might not even like tea. I don�t know. I want him to want some and let me make it perfect for him-- or not want some and let it go. What do I want? It has nothing to to with hot water! I want to make you happy for a little while. So, I do my best in spite of the terrible indifference. Expect nothing, but reach for everything as if you expect it. 00:20:49 - 2001-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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