futurebird's Diaryland Diary

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THE FUTURE

I want to be alone! Hoary!

I almost never want to be alone. I call my friends up and say �Hmm so could we just have coffee maybe? You have a lot of work? I see. Well, can we just work over coffee, maybe, Hmm?� Now, this sort of behavior would make me a prime candidate for the role of shallow socialite, but unfortunately I�m a shallow misanthrope instead. That is, I dislike the majority of people I meet and have friends numbered so I can count them on one hand. Thus, I am alone quite often and then I get sick of it. But, I�m not sick of it now! I�m just drinking up the isolation.

You see, I need to think.

I�m thinking about THE FUTURE. (it is in bold since I find it so scary). THE FUTURE is this empty void right now and just about anything could fall into it: a boring repetitive job, a fun job and no money, a job in a suit. (I bought a suit, size 2, navy blue . . .hey that rhymes!) What ever it is it is there in THE FUTURE.

I have no idea about THE FUTURE right now. I don�t even know what I want. My mind is running all though the day and the night with questions: Can I do this? Should I ask for that job? When to leave Pittsburgh? Should I buy groceries if I�m leaving so soon?

I�ve got half a sack of flour and a cabbage. The groceries can wait! There are hundreds of cities out in the dark, twinkling at me. And so many that I�ve not seen yet. So many that I will see, if I can just sort out THE FUTURE.

8:51 p.m. - 2001-05-10

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