futurebird's Diaryland Diary

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Ray Bradbury Men?

I�m trying not to throw the damn thing away. I�ve been told so many times that self examination, facing, preserving your past is important. Besides, we were all young once-- Right? Am I too concerned with my image to admit that I ever had childish thoughts? Why, I bet I�m having childish thoughts RIGHT NOW and I don�t even know it.

It�s an old journal the kind with a lock begging to be picked with a hair pin. It�s from the 1980s so the outside is covered with a intensely ugly, enthusiastic geometric patterns. I think it cost $1.50. The paper thin pages contain such gems as:

ON A CRUSH ON AN ENGLISH TEACHER:
�Perhaps I shall write a parable about us and let him read it. Today I enjoyed a conference, alone, with him. I was unable to read the book I had brought. It was Ray Bradbury�s Illustrated Man, a good book to read in the presence of my Ray Bradbury Man.�

ON RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME:
�This page says �run� at the top because I was going to run away today but I think I�ll make it next week.�

ON SEXUALITY:
�It�s so good to know that Marta is bisexual, like me, like Plato.�

Okay, maybe it�s a good thing I didn�t burn it. These themes are still in my life, in a way it�s a good thing to know that it�s all not a host of random recent developments. So now I wish that I�d kept a journal when I was even younger. When and why did my ridiculous, impossible personality start to form?

I still can�t remember what a �Ray Bradbury Man� is supposed to be like, either.

17:19:14 - 2000-12-28

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