futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- �The first boy that we�ll ever have sex with is alive right now.� �You know� She said �The first boy that we�ll ever have sex with is alive right now.� We were 12. Hathaway Brown Private School for Girls. I was there on a scholarship designed to help the rich kids learn what poor ones are like. Well I'm not that poor, but compared to that crowd-- We stood out on the ridge by the lacrosse field in the plaid wool skirts you had to buy in the book store. I was short, so my skirt was always too long. I�d roll it up at the waist leaving the hymn to sag unevenly. My knees would get ashy with the wind whipping all around them and I was too stubborn to stay still long enough for my mom to put lotion on them in the morning. I didn�t care, the important thing was that my skirt was the same length as everyone else's. Catherine, my best friend, was tall with long brown hair that got little gold bits in it when there was sun. There was no sun on that day. She never combed her hair either. I thought she looked amazing, like a wild forest nymph or something. I was shocked by what she had just said! I had never thought of it before-- she then added, wistfully �he�s out there in the world . . . somewhere . . .� And she sort-of scanned the horizon like he might just be walking around over there. I looked out there too, wondering where my boy would be. I was excited, but I had a stone in my belly. I knew that people had sex. I even had a good idea of how it worked. It was thrilling interesting but as far as my 12 year old mind was concerned it was infinity far away. The idea of getting naked with some person and, well, �doing it� seemed bizarre. Now Catherine had managed to convince me that someplace, in the cold misty distance, there was a boy, about my age, making his way on the currents of fate and time to my ridiculously tiny, short body. Or was I making my way towards him?! How long would it be five years, ten? Each decision I made was a boy sorter! Roll up the skirt and it�s this one I�ll end up with, let it down, that one. I was paralysed with fright and excitement. It was forbidden to speak about sex, Oh but now I could imagine that everything in life was leading up to it. �What are you doing?� said Catherine at last noticing my wired rigid posture. �Trying to change which one it will be!� I said almost breathless. The idea of remaining a virgin all my life never even crossed my mind. Nature had some hold on me, even then, I guess. 06:12:15 - 2000-12-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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