futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An expression of freedom of power and balance. After talking with all of us for a few weeks she seemed comfortable enough to share. She posted her photograph, a scanned Polaroid. It was her lowest weight, 93 lbs. She is standing in a kitchen, a plain kitchen with wooden cabinets and dark red floor tiles, a ruffled flower print curtain over the window at the sink. She is barefoot in a white slip, standing her tallest. I can imagine the way her feet must feel resting on the floor touching it lightly at the balls and the heel only. Around her calf wraps her slender elongganted muscles (�I was running a lot then� she explained) Her hands are held part-way open resting at her thighs. The bone of her wrist, clearly visible runs smoothly into the fore arm out at the elbow then softly in till it reaches sharp small shoulders. She holds her collar bone parallel in to the ground . . . but the thing that amazes is the expression on her face. A calm and knowing confidence, the hint of a smile, possibly a touch smug about the whole affair. An expression of freedom of power and balance. We all told her how impressed we were �you look amazing!� She has to show the photo to us because other people don�t understand. Her mother took it in order to scare her. But I look at her eyes (and they seem to twinkle just a bit) I know, I know for certain that her mother�s plan didn�t work. I worry about all them (I worry about myself) but there is something real in our struggle, maybe it�s the middle class life style food everywhere and no one thinks of it. I get angry when people say we�re just aping the girls in the magazines. Those people have got it backwards. The girls in the magazines are aping people like her. Using this image of freedom to sell cloths. The image existed in our hearts before kelvin Kline and armani. I�ll be bold and say that it may even be a fundamentally human urge to live lightly on the earth: make do with less. Yes, there are other ways to live. I�ve seen other kinds of beauty. I�ll even admit there is a certain beauty to excess-- but every man must name his own poisen . . . or cure. And every heaven comes with a hell. So if you choose to join us don�t expect to have a good time. You will cultivate this brand of insanity till you are hardly ever happy-- oh but when you are happy, nothing you have yet felt will compare. And for some people this madness is destructive. For others it�s the only way that they can live. If only we could sort out who was who. 19:18:20 - 2001-01-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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