futurebird's Diaryland Diary
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not spring! anything but that!
The trees have buds, but, I'm not ready for that to happen yet!
The run of the show went very well today. We had some guests and they seemed to enjoy it. I�m proud of my cast (and myself). I was standing in the parking lot glowing a little from having met some success with this play. Then I saw the tree.
I thought, almost said out loud, �Oh my god.� (well, I don�t have a god, but, for the sake of argument . . .) �I don�t believe it. It�s already on its way. The spring.� I looked at the tree and noticed, with horror, that the branches were covered with buds. Buds! I thought that this winter would last forever. That it might put me to sleep. But OH NO! no chance of that! Spring is hobbling in and soon everything will be bursting with life. When it comes I�ll just stare at it all in disbelief: the tulips, the bare legs and arms, the grass, the skin. Please! Give me snow and icy blue-black nights, give me slender bare tress, like bones, not spring! Anything but that! This is torture.
I guess it�s an odd way to look at it. Unhealthy. Who said that �April was the cruelest month� ? I never understood that phrase, but now, now it makes too much sense. I�ve grown so old so quickly. When the spring comes I won�t awaken with the the daffodils, I won�t come pushing out of the snow like a crocuses. I�ll have to admit that I am past the stage of growing. Growing older already. Withering? Well, that�s a bit harsh. I�m only 21. 21 winters and only now I�m learning. This is the first year that I have not welcomed spring. When winter started I thought I would. But I learned to love the cold and I can�t go back. Take me to one of the poles of the earth! Then I�d have nothing to complain about anymore.
Still they laughed. Well that�s enough. Even if my favorite season is on her way out. I can console myself because they laughed.
What a poor life. Like watery soup.
Goodnight.
04:43:30 - 2001-01-30
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