futurebird's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- something to look forward to If someone treats you like trash does that mean that you are trash? Probably not. But, if the same thing happens over and over again is that significant? Maybe. R has decided not to speak to me for a month because I took a photo of him. (that was the stated reason, I don�t have the photo. I deleted it and apologized. But if I did have it I�d post it here-- I�d send it to everyone I know... that would be revenge)I thought he was joking when he said he would leave. I guess he wasn�t. Three months? That�s forever in my mind. In three months I�ll be a totally new person. So, to me, he is gone forever. I hate being alone. A friend from work was going to come by today for some help on her website-- but she cancelled. I feel like I�ve been abandoned. I know that I�m taking this all too seriously. But honesty am I such bad company? Why do I take all of this so seriously? For one thing, part of me wants to be alone. People are too much trouble, the moment you are honest with someone they take that opportunity to hurt you. I used to weather these things and say �I�m not hurt.� �If you want to hurt me, I won�t let you� But what�s the use of that? No one is watching this movie. This mini-drama. I don�t earn any respect for stoicism. I am weeping and needy. I don�t care who knows that. I expect the people I care about to care. Well, I will recover and find new people and then loose them too. But, I�ll be happy when I find them. Happy for a week or moth or so. You�re not supposed to be happy all time anyway. So it�s not so bad. And I have something to look forward to, I guess. 10:49 a.m. - 2001-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||