futurebird's Diaryland Diary

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a blank wall

I committed various kinds of evil
For the sake of my friends and foes.

Yet my foes will become nothing.
My friends will become nothing.
I too will become nothing.
Likewise all will become nothing.

Just like a dream experience,
Whatever things I enjoy
Will become a memory.
Whatever has passed will not be seen again.

From The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life

I don�t want to go home for Christmas. I�m worried I�ll meet to much scrutiny, that my family might try to interfere with the little life I�ve tried to carve out for myself in this city. I feel like I�m just becoming alive and, at last, my own person-- but, now I�ll have to reevaluate everything under the microscope of family life for a few days.

I like being alone. When I�m on my own I have the space to reinvent myself.

I�m being selfish, though. My mom just wants to see me, and know that I�m okay. I can be there and OK for her. It�s not too much to ask. It�s just a few days. (*sigh*)

I went to the company party at Martha�s today. I got to see her tony award for ITI. She has a great old apartment. A real new york apartment. I want to live in a place like that some day. She also has all of this original artwork, degas, a picasso drawing, and a lovely dark painting of a bridge.

That�s what my apartment needs... some artwork. The walls are very blank.

My co-workers are such a great bunch of people. I hope I get to show them one of my shows someday...

11:29 p.m. - 2001-12-11

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